Category: humor


Bryan started this. Chris escalated it. I wrote this because I cannot draw, and I am for TeamImpink for the SuperArtFight, and wanted to contribute in some small way. I played the Scala children’s cover of of Radiohead’s “Creep” while writing this. I suggest you do the same.

Warning: disturbing comic gore beyond cut:
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My promise to you, the readers…

… I may not be the BEST author, but I am not THIS bad.

Sodomy to the eyes

I have been told by my wife this comes from, “Moon People” by Dale M. Courtney. Dale? Pick up the red courtesy phone. There is a call from a bunch of editors who need to vent.

“This is a monster of a book,” says one reviewer. “A horrible grammatical concoction of a random storyline, written by an author who can’t distinguish his keyboard or typewriter from a punching bag. This might as well be a random sample from the output of a neurological computer simulation. It’s so bad, Microsoft Word’s grammar check would become self aware and commit suicide.”

Trolley at 29k+ words

I have been really busy, so my writing has slowed somewhat. This last weekend I was the presenter, emcee, and officiator at my long-time friend Andy and his new bride Tori’s commitment ceremony up in Baltimore. It was supposed to be mildly rehearsed, but it was barely that. Thank goodness I did improv so many years. I was complemented on my emcee word by the father of the groom, who remembered me from science fiction conventions. Improv is one of those things I consider a big leap of faith: you can’t hope you will be funny, you have to just know “the funny” will always be there. And if you’re not, you can recover and nobody will give a crap.

I don’t remember what I said half the time, but people usually complement me, which I am always grateful for. I have to say, I was a little intimidated because Andy is VERY funny. And I mean, I wish I was HIS level of funny. On a scale of 1 – 10, I think I am a 6 or 7, and he’s an 8 or 9. Andy is great at pulling obscure references quickly and rapidly, which is a skill possessed by people like Patton Oswald. His creativity and DRIVE are just inspiring.

Writing is a lot this way as well. I can’t tell you exactly how Trolley will end. The chapter (already on chapter 7) I just wrote I kind of knew how it was going to go, and then it just branched out in a nice direction. I am reading the story as I am writing it for the first time. The skills at improv are at work here, too. I can’t hope I’ll finish the book and have a great story, I just know I will. The fun here is also, “dude, this story is AWESOME!” I always like when I don’t care if the end result is popular with mass media, I just want to have fun and hope the work reflects this.

This book is rather dark. I think the next project will have to be a comedy where I go back to my roots.

I hope to be doing the Balticon podcast sometime this week.